Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Banned from zoo.
Again?
and she was petting her beer can
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
