i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
