Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
