i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
