My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
