I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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