Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
