I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
