Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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