Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
