hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
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We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
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I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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