he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
