I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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