oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
