dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
