good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
