It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
