there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
