were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
