The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
