so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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