I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
And then he peed in my hair
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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