Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
