I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
