so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
