my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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