He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
