I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
