Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
nutella sex= disaster
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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