I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
