I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
