i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
