Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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