Swine flu is the new snow day.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
