He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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