apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
