He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
