So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
