Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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