Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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