woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
