So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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