maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
