The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
