i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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