I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
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I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
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