Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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