I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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