i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
