eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
