I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
