I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
