Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
