You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
