There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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