it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
