How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
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We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
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My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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