Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
