I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
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When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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