those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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