Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
