i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
