I wish you could order shots online.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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