so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
