were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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