Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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