You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
