dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
