did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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