i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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