Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
