If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
