Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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