He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
