He uses pillows to masturbate.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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