i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
