ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
im six kinds of drunk right now
you traded sex for a burrito?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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