Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
