My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
