I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
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It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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