smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
