Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
